If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sober January is a disaster.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
