Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
