I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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