I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
