my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
