It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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