Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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