You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
