my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize