Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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