remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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