Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
