.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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