i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
