I heard we made out
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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