This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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