worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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