OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
