Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
