Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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