I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
