I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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