Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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