The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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