I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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