Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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