There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
