I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
