is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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