I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
