i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i out mim tonsoeep
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