Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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