atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
