you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
