Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
thus making me awesome and them whores
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
