Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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