K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
