got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
