Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
They are going to name an STD after you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
