Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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