Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
