I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
