He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
