how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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