Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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