Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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