Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
