I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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