I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
