; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
