The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
