Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
