i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
