these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
