Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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