I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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