Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
