if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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