I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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