conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
