i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
