dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is Oprah even human
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
