I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
