It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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