The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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