My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize