im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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