i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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