I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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